We are happy to provide assistance if a parent/ carer requires support with parenting their child.  We have many sources to draw upon and it is important to seek help and advice if you feel you need it.

Remember the following advice:

• Take a deep breath… then another. Then remember you are the adult.
• Close your eyes and envision you are hearing what your child is about to hear from your mouth. How does that sound?  Words are powerful.
• Press your lips together and count to 10… or 20.
• Put your child in a time‐out chair (one minute for each year of their age).
• Put yourself in a time‐out! Think about why you are angry; is it your child, or are you venting your anger and frustrations on your child? Are you hungry, tired, upset about something else?
• Seek support – your co- parent, phone a friend, speak to someone you trust and respect to help you regain composure and perspective.
• If someone can mind your children, go outside and take a walk.
• Take a hot bath or splash cold water on your face. Hug a pillow!
• Turn on some music, perhaps even sing along.

• Contact Family lives they run a confidential helpline for parents. (helpline number is 0808 800 2222) They offer emotional support, information, advice and guidance on any aspect of parenting and family life.  https://www.familylives.org.uk/how-we-can-help/confidential-helpline
• Contact Young Minds (Young Minds Parent Helpline – 0808 802 5544) if you’re worried about your child ‘s mental health or wellbeing, you can speak to them over the phone or chat to them online. The helpline provides detailed information, advice and support to parents or main carers of children and young people aged 25 or under. https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent

Stopping Physical Chastisement

We take a firm stance that smacking is not appropriate to manage or deal with children’s behaviour.   Smacking is a temporary solution to ongoing problems. It generally is nothing more than a release of the parent’s frustration directed toward the child.

Without a doubt parenting is the most important job in the world and it can be frustrating and isolating at times. Here are 10 alternatives to smacking that you might find helpful.

• Provide options. A choice gives some control back to the child on the parents’ terms. Learning this skill can result in children who are more compliant and better at making decisions!
• You take a timeout. Yes, you the parent, walk away! It is perfectly okay to say. “I’m too upset to deal with you right now; we will talk about this later.”
• Get someone else involved. If you feel so angry that you may not be in control, then ask someone else to help you who is not as personally involved in the situation. This reduces the likelihood that you will strike your child.
• Teach them what you expect. Instead of punishing them for misbehaving, teach them what they can do differently. Tell them, “Next time, please hang your uniform up in the wardrobe! How can I help you remember to do this?”
• Acknowledge their positive behaviours. So, when they hang up that uniform, tell them how much you appreciate that! It’s very easy to mainly notice children’s misdoings and disregard their successes.
• Timeout. The general guideline is one minute for every year of their age. The idea is you are tying the misbehaviour to the consequence. Try to make it a place that is quiet and the child is unable to get your attention or be inadvertently rewarded. If a child is having a tantrum then their time should start when they have calmed down and can keep it under control for the duration of the timeout. Time out is a challenge for both parent and child but persevere and keep calm.
• Consequence. Providing a logical consequence is often very effective. Always tie the consequence back to the misdeed. “I would love to be able to take you to the shops but remember the last time how you ran around and wouldn’t listen to me? Well, I am not up for that. You are staying home with……” Maybe next time, you will be able to listen and you can come with me.”
• Pick your battles. Pick the top four things that you just can’t tolerate and focus on disciplining them just for those four behaviours. This lets your child know what is really important to you and you don’t come across as if you are disciplining them for every little violation.
• Set limitations. Instead of telling your children what to do, try telling them what you are going to do or permit. “I will be more than happy to take you to the Park, when you have finished your chores.”
• State your request in the positive. Have you ever noticed how we usually make a request or give directives in the negative? The first thing your child hears… what they can’t have. Just by changing the structure of how you make request will increase your child’s cooperation. Try stating things in the positive by telling them what they can have or what you will allow. They are less likely to argue when you are telling them what they can have or what you will allow.